Welcome to The Cwm Bargoed Express - The weirdest things in the silliest of places

SWITCH IN TIME

You may have noticed the TV adverts, stating that "Switch" is changing it's name to "Maestro".

But why the change from such a popular and well-known name to a lesser-known one?

switch
Switch
"Slipping into something cool"

We here at the Cwm Bargoed Express have discovered the reason - to avoid confusion with a new card from the dole office, called "Snitch".

With a Snitch Card, you can earn money by reporting any dole-cheats you know about in your area.

You simply call your local office to report the offender, quote your 15 digit account number printed on the card and, as soon as the offender is caught, you get 5% of the offender's monthly claim, paid into your Snitch account.

Also, every time you use your Snitch Card to make a purchase, you earn "Relocation Miles".

The more miles you earn, the further away the Council Estate they move you to, when angry mobs start to gather outside your house.

BACK TO OBSCURITY

This week sees the launch of Cwm Bargoed's very own reality game show - "I'm a Celebrity - Who the f**k am I?"

Six vaguely famous people will be left to fend for themselves in a Little Chef, somewhere near a South Wales motorway. The last contestant to get served - wins.

The exact location of the show is still a secret, but we can disclose the six celebrities who are taking part.

They include a woman who sang on a Bodyform advert, Rick Astley's window cleaner, a bloke who claims to have bought a Ford Cortina from Frank Bruno and a girl who won a talent contest at Butlins (Minehead) two weeks running.

Also taking part is Cwm Bargoed's Sports Personality of the year - Terry Evans, and a professional Walter Pigeon look-alike.

Terry
Evans
"Famous Celeb"

Viewers can also take part by guessing which celebrity is which and phoning a number.

Prizes include autographed pictures of the stars and a place in the audience on the final night.

The producers of the show are convinced it will be a hit and say its as good as anything being put out by ITV or Channel 4.

WEATHER

Look out the window, lazy!

Today's
Satellite Photo

	Welcome to The Cwm Bargoed Express - The weirdest things in the silliest of places
	SWITCH IN TIME You may have noticed the TV adverts, stating that "Switch" is changing it's name to "Maestro". But why the change from such a popular and well-known name to a lesser-known one? Switch "Slipping into something cool" We here at the Cwm Bargoed Express have discovered the reason - to avoid confusion with a new card from the dole office, called "Snitch". With a Snitch Card, you can earn money by reporting any dole-cheats you know about in your area. You simply call your local office to report the offender, quote your 15 digit account number printed on the card and, as soon as the offender is caught, you get 5% of the offender's monthly claim, paid into your Snitch account.	Also, every time you use your Snitch Card to make a purchase, you earn "Relocation Miles". The more miles you earn, the further away the Council Estate they move you to, when angry mobs start to gather outside your house. BACK TO OBSCURITY This week sees the launch of Cwm Bargoed's very own reality game show - "I'm a Celebrity - Who the f**k am I?" Six vaguely famous people will be left to fend for themselves in a Little Chef, somewhere near a South Wales motorway. The last contestant to get served - wins. The exact location of the show is still a secret, but we can disclose the six celebrities who are taking part. They include a woman who sang on a Bodyform advert, Rick Astley's window cleaner, a bloke who claims to have bought a Ford Cortina from Frank Bruno and a girl who won a talent contest at Butlins (Minehead) two weeks running.	Also taking part is Cwm Bargoed's Sports Personality of the year - Terry Evans, and a professional Walter Pigeon look-alike. Evans "Famous Celeb" Viewers can also take part by guessing which celebrity is which and phoning a number. Prizes include autographed pictures of the stars and a place in the audience on the final night. The producers of the show are convinced it will be a hit and say its as good as anything being put out by ITV or Channel 4. WEATHER Look out the window, lazy! Today's Satellite Photo